Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
