someone owes me an orgasm
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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