You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
