Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
