I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
