i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
