We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
