Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
