Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
