I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm too high and old for this...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
