So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize