His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
