It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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