please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can I color on your dick again?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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