if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
