By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
