I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
