You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
