oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
