im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
