i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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