they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
