Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
