so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
