He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
