She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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