Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
