so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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