I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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