I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
