i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
