I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
