the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
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