just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
