I am puke
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
