Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
