man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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