I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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