Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
