I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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