Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
