At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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