Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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