guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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