Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
