and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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