after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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