Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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