Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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