I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize