Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
