so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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