i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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