it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize