He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
