We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
