You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize