I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
