If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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