i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
