battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
