did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
