I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
