That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
