Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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