I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you would pick up someone in the library
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize