he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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