You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
